Zonkers
by Ethereal Euphoria
Summary: AU. Unknown to the rest of the Wizarding world, Harry is taken from the ruins of Godric’s Hollow and is trained to become the man he needs to become. Who knew Monopoly could do all that?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. that are recognizable are the property of their respective owners. I am not associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. Original characters and plot lines are Ethereal Euphoria's property. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: Zonkers

Summary: AU. Unknown to the rest of the Wizarding world, Harry is taken from the ruins of Godric's Hollow and is trained to become the man he needs to become. Who knew Monopoly could do all that?

Authors Note: This is really just an idea that came to me. It basically, just popped into my head and I couldn't seem to stop myself from writing it. This will also be a sort of Harry is a prodigy but not as much as in my other story Prodigal Delinquent. Harry will be a bit advanced though... but thats the point of the whole training-his-entire-life thing. Oh btw, NO PAIRINGS PLANNED as of yet.

Chapter 1 – Collect $200 as you pass Go!

The night sky was beautiful. Its twinkling stars shone brightly and the moon cast an ethereal haze over the land. Unfortunately, the earth below the sky was not in symbiosis with its counterpart. For down below, in a little town called Godric's Hollow, an infant boy was crying out into the night.

A house lay in ruins, pieces of wood falling onto the ground and the glow of a fading fire evident to the human eye. Pieces of cloth from ruined furniture were still on fire and pipes connected to the ground were spitting out buckets of water. Fallen debris from the walls and furniture littered lazily all over the property. Still, the cries of a lone child were piercing the quiet.

A man with eyes of old and beard so long as to reach and brush the ground, stared at the ruins. His lips turned upwards into an excited smile and he approached the ruined home. He spelled debris away from his path, bursting into sporadic bouts of laughter as he went on his way. Finally spotting the source of all the noise, he giggled a few times and bent down.

That moment had really been the first time he had seen the young lad. The jet black messy hair was the trademark of the Potter line. His pale skin was inherited from his mother, along with her nose and startling green eyes.

The Potter heir suddenly grew quiet as he too peered into the much elder face of the man who held him. Brown but graying hair was peeping out a large wizard's hat that sported a stuffed raccoon at the top, blue-grey eyes which showed a reflection of the baby boy, tan skin littered with age lines showed that the man was indeed of old, and a small and round nose at the center of the mans face caused the little heir to smile.

The man grew stiff as the little boy suddenly reached a chubby hand over to the formers nose… and promptly squeezed the tip, making noises that sounded a bit like 'Honk!' Harry went into a fit of giggles before yawning and slowly shutting his eyelids.

The man stared at the child with incredulity before wiping some dirt onto the tip of the boy's nose and some on his cheeks. Smiling in satisfaction as he did, acting as if he had suddenly gotten even with the boy.

"We'll have loads of fun together now, won't we?" he whispered, walking away from the ruined home… but not before leaving a calling card on the spot where he had found the young orphan.

The house was still crumbling, however, and a piece of cloth from the boys crib fell almost directly over the corner of the calling card. Nonetheless, the paper card started to burn and the words '_William Harvey Zonko; inventor, businessman, and game-enthusiast'_ were never read by the gentle giant that arrived only a few minutes later…

_~....flyingpigs. flyingpigs.~_

Adam Parsely always loved his job. Days at work were spent winding up toys and exploding fireworks every which way. Children would come in the dozens daily, laughing and pointing at the trinkets on display. He would help them as they hid from their parents, counting their knuts and sickles if they had enough to buy whatever they needed to prank their siblings and friends. Adam absolutely loved waking up every day and living in a world where laughter was abundant.

He often wondered what his employer was like. After all, Adam was recruited right out of Hogwarts by Mr. W.H. Zonko himself to join the staff at the Zonko shop at Hogsmeade. Adam immediately accepted the job and to that day, did not regret it. Working so near Hogwarts, he was almost assured that he would not be in as much trouble if he had worked at Diagon Ally or the Ministry. It was common knowledge that You-Know-Who feared Dumbledore. It didn't hurt to stay so near his alma matter either.

All he ever heard of from his employer, a Mr. W.H. Zonko, were letters and posts at their company newsletter, available every month which came along with product invention news and notices for products that would cease production. He imagined Mr. Zonko to be an old grandfather type with kind brown eyes and a beard… somewhat imaging Jolly Old Saint Nicholas as the man who had employed him.

Lately, he noticed that his employer had completely stopped his annual posts in their company newsletter and in fact, it had almost been six months that Adam had even heard of him. Adam wanted to owl Mr. Zonko ever since he was promoted.

He no longer worked as a clerk in the Hogsmeade branch but was the store manager at the newest Zonko branch near muggle London. Mr. W.H. Zonko had written him a year before that he had wanted to open the shop near the Muggle World as to see the prospects of selling Muggle-based items in the shop.

The shop had two-sides. With large-scale and high-level notice-me-not charms, they were able to combine a muggle joke shop and magical joke shop. Wizards would see the shop as a regular Zonko's branch and, using a charmed door, enter the east-shop. While muggles would see an interesting joke shop and enter the west-portion.

Adam would always laugh when a young muggle-born witch or wizard would suddenly find themselves on the east-side and he would sit them down and explain to them a few things. He would then lead them to the west-side and tell them that they can come to him anytime if they wanted to see more magic or simply enjoy the products on the east-side. He would also ask them to promise not to tell anyone of the magical side of the shop.

Of course, seeing as most of them ranged from ages 5-10, they still told their parents and friends. Their parents thought it cute that their children enjoyed the shop so much, attributing the magical items to their children's imaginations, and brought them back quite often. While their friends would simply smile and ask to hear more about the magical world he/she spoke about.

He wanted to owl Mr. Zonko immediately about the progress of the shop but was too intimidated to even start to pen the letter. Not to mention that Mr. W.H. Zonko had not been heard from in a while…

So it was in Adam's surprise, when on Halloween of the year 1981, an elderly man with graying-brown hair, an odd hat, and a long beard entered his shop right before he was about to lock up, carrying a small bundle in his arms.

_~....rainbowtruffles. rainbowtruffles.~_

Adam still couldn't believe where he found himself, six years after that fateful night. He was sitting across his employ- ahem, friend, and sipping tea while holding a muggle timer in his other hand.

Zonko grinned as he the timer went past the hour-and-a-half mark and with a wink in Adams direction, sang out.

"Find me, find me, or you'll lose all sense! Plotting, plotting I must be, to think of a consequence!"

There was a loud exasperated sigh somewhere around the large 'garden' they were currently within. Adam glanced around and could already feel an oncoming headache.

He felt pity for young Harvey. The 'garden' where they were currently having tea in was better described as 'forest'. Large, menacing looking trees, with plants such as the Devil's snare, other plants that were _seemingly harmless_ were about and of course, the surprise charms ingrained on some trees such as confundus and touch-activated-stunners. Not to mention the collection of 'pets' the _seemingly harmless_ man named W.H. Zonko owned. His pets ranged from golden retriever pups to twenty-foot anacondas. And those were the non-magical pets. Adam could only twitch an eye when he thought of the Sphinx Zonko had brought home after a trip to Egypt.

"So cute!" the old man had exclaimed as the large sphinx chased after the house elves, young Harvey, and Adam all over the grounds.

Adam did not know how Harvey could live with the man. He couldn't even stand to sleep in the mansion for fear of waking up in the realm of the dead. If he could describe the man called Zonko his most polite description would probably be 'eccentric' but the truth of it was… Mr. William Harvey Zonko was bonkers.

Young Harvey learned at a young age that Zonko liked games… he liked games so much he made them up daily. Harvey grew up playing games such as life-sized Monopoly, actually getting to enter houses/hotels and paying the fines in galleons (Harvey lost a years worth of allowance while Zonko converted all the money he won into knuts and started swimming in it), Exploding Chess where the chess pieces you lost would be sent back to you and explode in your face (Harvey singed off both his eyebrows), Heaven and Earth where Harvey had to levitate to avoid stepping on the ground since low-level demons 'magically' appeared and tried to drag him to their realm to Zonko's delight (Harvey mysteriously appeared a few hours after losing, wide and twitchy-eyed), Extreme Quidditch wherein all the balls were bludgers (Harvey broke an arm, a leg, and his middle-finger trying to catch the bludger-snitch), and of course who could forget, Easter Elf Hunting where elves would dress up as garden gnomes and hide within the mansion floors, grabbing legs and making Harvey be half-sunken on the floor. The elves wouldn't let him out until he would recite a limerick on the subject of their own choosing (who could, on the spot, think of a limerick about telephomies?)

But Harvey loved Zonko. That much was obvious. He loved having his life being all fun and games. He loved playing exciting, albeit dangerous, activities everyday. He loved spending time with Zonko because on occasion that he did win a game…the old man would pat him on the back, then suddenly lift him off the ground, twirling him around and around till they both puked. Zonko wasn't negligent either. He took Harvey to monthly trips to Healers to make sure that the boy was fine after such exciting games. Harvey never suffered anything more serious than a slight concussion. When Harvey lost a game, he would still get a consolation prize and his room was filled top to bottom with those things. But the prize when he did win… Harvey got away with virtually anything he wanted on the rare occasion that he won (Some prizes of note were: The Puddlemere United Quidditch Team, a bottle of Felix Felicis, and a pair of mustard-yellow socks). So he strove hard to beat his guardian in the games that were unorthodox, extremely dangerous, and loads of fun.

They were currently playing a new game. Zonko had, as usual, appointed himself game master. Today's game consisted of Harvey entering the forest multiple times and trying to find Adam and Zonko who were at the center. Each half hour that passed, a sense would be removed. When Harvey found the two, he would be banished out of the forest and made to repeat the process but from a different forest entrance. He would regain his lost senses and the game would end once he made it to the two losing a maximum of one special sense.

The boy had now entered the forest through a new entrance for the fifth time that day. And his sixth time looked to be coming soon. He had already lost his hearing, taste and sight.

Sure enough, a few minutes after the hour-and-a-half mark; an exhausted boy at the age of seven came sprawling towards them, finally landing in front of Zonko. The boy's shirt, once white, was brown and sticky. His jeans were torn and his messy hair had twigs and leaved entangled within its depths.

Harvey's senses returned and he smiled an adorable smile since he had been missing a few teeth.

"I made it Zonko!" he shouted out in joy. This had been the fastest he had made it to them. Last time had taken him over two hours.

Zonko smiled, tipped his hat that had a stuffed faux elf on top of it, and banished Harvey once more.

"Why do you torture the poor child?" Adam asked.

Zonko merely smiled, took another sip of tea and glanced at the map of the forest on the table. The map was another creation of Zonko. It consisted of a layout of the area and the people residing in the area appeared as dots in their magical aura's color. Adam was the blue dot, Zonko was the rainbow, and Harvey appeared white-ish green. Harvey's dot had entered the forest… and stopped in front of the sphinx… who knew a dot could move so fast?

Authors Note: So what do you think? Please Read and Review. I'm a bit out of it right now so… haha Next chapter will have more of the story in Harry/Harvey's point of view.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. that are recognizable are the property of their respective owners. I am not associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. Original characters and plot lines are Ethereal Euphoria's property. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: Zonkers

Summary: AU. Unknown to the rest of the Wizarding world, Harry is taken from the ruins of Godric's Hollow and is trained to become the man he needs to become. Who knew Monopoly could do all that?

Authors Note: This is really just an idea that came to me. It basically, just popped into my head and I couldn't seem to stop myself from writing it. This will also be a sort of Harry is a prodigy but not as much as in my other story Prodigal Delinquent. Harry will be a bit advanced though... but that's the point of the whole training-his-entire-life thing. Oh btw, NO PAIRINGS PLANNED as of yet. And just for the curious: this story is NOT BETA'D.

Chapter 2 – Advance token to Boardwalk

It had officially been nine years, nine months and nine days since young Harvey had been salvaged from the ruins of Godric's Hollow. At age ten, Harvey William Zonko could boast many-a-things he had done in his young life that people three times his age could not. At age 3, he had found himself in a nest of baby basilisks, hissing about his upcoming death while Zonko had a chat with their mother. At age 5, he had climbed Mount Olympus, and was kicked out (thrown down the mountain) the second his Olympian-styled sandal touched the top while Zonko watched from the base of the mountain, chuckling at how naïve his son had been believing that he could actually lay his eyes on some gods. At age 8, he had a run in with an Acromantula and its devil spawns, escaping with his life, and gaining a life debt to one of the devil spawns (one of the said devil spawns saved his life accidentally by spinning a web to stop Harveys fall into a deep crevice. The spawn was curious about him and asked that he promise the spawn a life debt if the spawn would get its siblings to back off.) while Zonko collected the strings of the web from the empty Acromantula nest, whistling a happy tune as he went about it.

Now at age ten, Harvey was confident he could face whatever his eccentric Father had in store for him. Well, that was until his Father decided to leave him completely and utterly... alone.

It had been nine days, nine hours and nine seconds since he had heard from the man named William Harvey Zonko. Harvey William Zonko had officially been wide-awake for nine days, nine hours and nine seconds. He could not remember a time when his Father disappeared for more than a few hours before returning. His Father was meticulous in that aspect. He always left a note in the form of some kind of riddle that Harvey would end up solving until he returned. He also informed the house elves, so they may be able to deliver food to Harvey's room while he stayed in, solving the riddle. And the last damning evidence was that Adam was nowhere in sight. Adam always suddenly appeared for no reason, giving helpful hints to solve said riddle. But Adam was now at the shop. He had been for days. Harvey had owled the man but a short reply came back after a few hours explicitly accounting that Adam was undergoing inventory of the store and was up in his elbows with paperwork. He would not be visiting any time soon.

So that left the question: Where was Mr. W. H. Zonko?

Harvey was in his room, hoping against hope that the riddle would appear out of nowhere and assure him that his Father was alright. Adam had assured him that Zonko wouldn't just up and leave him. But that was five days ago. Harvey was at his wits end.

He looked around his room and smiled. The ceiling used to be a textured-white, bright and made him think of clouds. However, it was now covered in newspaper articles and magazine cut-outs that interested him. It was filled with moving pictures and words. Harvey liked to look up at the words and laugh when they would randomly rearrange themselves into a quotation from someone famous or a joke to amuse him. If the ceiling seemed busy, it was nothing compared to the walls. Once a calming off-sky blue, it was now covered with long strips of wood that went from one side to the other, wrapping around the entire room from floor to ceiling except for the wall that held the doors. It was full of trinkets that were 'consolation prizes' from the daily games he and his Father played. There were various things such as a crystal ball, a piece of string, a miniature gargoyle statue, and a cook book. The wall that did not contain trinkets had three doors. The white one went to his private bath, the red one to his closet that also held the few prizes he had received by winning games (such as Fly Fishing, where he used bubble gum, a stick and a piece of string and caught a black fly three seconds before his Father did, and Rock-Paper-Scissors), and the green door led back to the rest of the manor. His bed was set at the center of the room and was sunken into the floor. It was round and had a few steps (just two) that led to it from the floor. It was feather-soft and was a great trampoline.

Harvey used to have windows… but he had been attacked by a rampage of a thousand owls one day when he was five and his Father had asked him if he wanted the windows removed. Harvey agreed immediately and his mail was rerouted to one of the empty rooms in the Manor, he had yet to visit since he feared the number of letters he had to go through. If there was a thousand of them that day, imagine how much had accumulated since!

Harvey brought his thoughts back to his Father. He was beginning get worried… maybe one of the factories had blown up? But that wouldn't merit his Father's interest… He would just ask Adam to ask the rest of the company what happened. But he usually only left the house when he had some sort of business elsewhere…

Harvey was about to bring in the big guns. His Father had once told him what to do when a day came that Harvey wouldn't hear a word from his Father for days. Now if he could find one that was big enough…

_~.….~_

Oliver Wood was having a good morning. He had just come from a very productive Quidditch Practice where his new player, Katie Bell, had finally gotten in-tune with last years' chaser veterans Alicia Spinnet and Angelina Johnson. He was still a bit worried that his beaters were both Seventh-Years but he was confident that he would find replacements soon. He had seen the Weasley twins play a few pick-up games weeks ago and was planning on recruiting them to the beater positions after the holidays. He could start training them after he got his current team in-sync which looked to be not as later then he thought. Now the seeker position… that was troubling him. Higgins was okay but he didn't have the skill to continue. Half the time he was merely following the other seeker, and his speed not up to catching the snitch first too. If only one of the first years showed some more potential…

He sighed as he sat down next to his dorm mates and filled his plate with breakfast. He wasn't about to ruin his good morning now. His team was being built! He could feel his champion team coming together!

The sound of screeches caught the attention of every student in the Great Hall. As one, they all turned towards the window and gasped as a large cube package was carried by no less than fifty owls, screeching their discomfort at flying so close to one another. They flew towards the house tables and finally, with a large 'boom' the box fell in between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables. The students nearest all scrambled about, trying to see who it was for. It turned out to be a large wooden box and on the side facing Oliver a single word was stamped on. It made Oliver's eyes go wide.

"WOOD"

~…._.~_

Harvey sighed as he charted out his journey. Owl-travel wasn't very comfortable. He was sitting in a five-by-five wooden box with a small table and chair, with a map strewn over the table and a small quill with everlasting ink in his hand. A small orb was his only source of light and a nice bubble-head charm had eliminated the problem of oxygen. If he had estimated correctly, he was somewhere in Scotland… the annoying sound of the owls was something he had not counted on so he had endured hours upon hours of the screeching owls.

Where in the world was his Father?

Finally, after about half an hour, he could feel the owls slowing down…and promptly dropping his box. Harvey fell to the ground and hit his head on the wall.

"Oww…" he exclaimed as he rubbed the spot on his head.

He stood and started to remove the sticking charms on the top face of the box. After a few minutes work, he had finished and he wiped some sweat off his brow. He turned the table up-right and stood on top of it, carefully pushing the cover off of his box.

~…._.~_

The students of Hogwarts watched on as the Gryffindor Fourth year, Oliver Wood slowly approached the box. The Hufflepuffs were all whispering about what they were guessing was inside the box while the Gryffindors were milling around, examining the mentioned box. The Ravenclaws stood to get a better look and the Slytherins remained seated, keeping a careful eye on the box but pretending that they didn't care about its contents. The teachers had already left the table since classes would start soon.

Oliver placed a quivering hand on the stamped word 'WOOD' and suddenly, the top of the box blew off and landed a few feet away. Oliver promptly withdrew his hand and looked to the top.

The entire Great Hall gasped.

A small boy, not older than ten, peeked out from the top of the box. His brilliant green eyes looked right at Oliver before scanning the entire hall. The kid had jet-black messy hair that covered most of his forehead and ears, only touching the boys' collar.

The little boy then proceeded to jump out, and ran towards the end of the Gryffindor Table.

"There you are!" he shouted at one of the second year Gryffindors.

Oliver recognized the boy to be Lee Jordan. He was best mates with the Weasley twins if he remembered correctly.

The Jordan boy looked back innocently at the younger kid.

"What is he-"

"-Talking about-"

"-mate?" the twins asked their friend.

Lee sighed then turned towards the younger boy.

"I guess the jig is up son." He said before standing up and hugging the boy.

"You-"

"-have a-"

"-ten year old-"

"-SON?-"

"Is that-"

"-even-"

"-possible?" the twins chorused.

The strange little boy promptly pushed Lee Jordan off him and turned him so that he was facing Lee Jordan's back.

"Now where is that zipper…" he mumbled. "AHA!"

He promptly pulled down some invisible zipper and suddenly, Lee Jordan's skin fell away and in his place stood a very old man.

~…_.~_

Harvey glared at his Father.

Zonko laughed.

"Don't be so mad!" he said as he clapped his hand on his sons back.

"I should be mad! I didn't want to see Hogwarts till I actually enrolled! It's tradition! Now I won't have that 'oh-wow-look-at-that-castle!' moment!" Harvey whined.

"Yes, but now the students have that 'oh-remember-the-kid-that-got-owled-to-Hogwarts' memory! What a great memory to have for Patronus creation!"

Harvey sighed as he walked the grounds of Hogwarts with his father. Apparently, there were two very good reasons his father had come to his future school and he had met them a few hours ago.

_~flashback~_

"_Gred-"_

"_-and Forge-"_

"_-Weasley! Pleased to meet you!"_

Apparently, the two had managed to capture his Fathers attention when they 'accidentally' mucked up a Potion in class and created a cream that would cause warts on the skin. His contact at Hogwarts, Lee Jordan (Zonko knew the boys' mother) had owled his mother and since she had long retired being shop keeper, thought Zonko might make use of the cream. So Zonko arrived at Hogwarts to recruit the two young boys that he believed would one day become his right (and left) hand men.

The twins were ecstatic to hear that Zonko was interested in them but declined the offer until Zonko would sweeten the deal. So Harvey was exposed to the wonderful world of Haggling.

The three finally agreed that they would wait until the twins were in fifth year before they would enter a professional contract (child labor laws prevented Zonko from recruiting the two on the spot) and they entered a formal 'representation' contract where the two would send any new 'accidents' to Zonko and he would sell the product. They would split the share, Zonko taking fifty percent while the twins had twenty-five percent each, and Zonko had taken an oath to supply the twins with a monthly salary of fifty galleons until they reached fifteen, and to give the twins their own sub-branch of Zonko's that they would name Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

After an extensive tour of the castle from the Headmaster himself (the man merely laughed when he heard that Zonko had infiltrated the student body), they were respectfully asked to exit (screamed at to leave) the Hogwarts Grounds by an Argus Filch since Zonko was "_that imbecile that created those infuriating pieces of shite that you call pranks!", _to which Zonko replied with a "_Oh, you mean the dungbombs?"_. The attitude of the man only worsened after his Fathers reply.

Harvey sighed as he mounted his Comet 280, waiting for his Father to mount his own broom so they could return home. A gaggle of students were hanging around, hoping to hear a piece of gossip they could tell their friends.

Finally, after twenty minutes of saying their farewells, Zonko mounted his broom.

"Oh, by the way! The real Lee Jordan is in the Hospital Wing with chicken Pox! Should be non-contagious in a few more hours." Zonko mentioned to the twins who nodded solemnly.

Harvey finally just kicked off the ground, not willing to wait any longer and as he soared over the fields and mountains, his father at his side, he laughed.

"Well, you must be the first student to ever have pranked Hogwarts without even been admitted yet." His father smiled. "I'm proud."

Harry smiled back. "Well, you did set it up."

"I'm not called game master for nothing, son."

"…But Father… you're self-proclaimed."

"A minor detail." Zonko brushed off. "Now, I was thinking of this new game we could play…"

_~.….~_

Oliver Wood looked out of the window from his History classroom and was able to catch the young boy that came out of the box fly into the sky. His thoughts drifted to his Seeker-problem...

'_Maybe that package really was for me, afterall...' _he mused before turning his attention back to his ghost-teacher and promptly falling asleep. He did get up at five in the morning after all.

Authors Note:

SO yeah. The second chapter. Hope you like it. Read and Review.

And for those who might ask: the last part meant that Harry might have been sent to Oliver as a seeker-from-heaven. Not you know... as some kind of boy toy. As expressed in the earlier Authors note, I have no pairings intended.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. that are recognizable are the property of their respective owners. I am not associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. Original characters and plot lines are Ethereal Euphoria's property. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: Zonkers

Summary: AU. Unknown to the rest of the Wizarding world, Harry is taken from the ruins of Godric's Hollow and is trained to become the man he needs to become. Who knew Monopoly could do all that?

Authors Note: This is really just an idea that came to me. It basically, just popped into my head and I couldn't seem to stop myself from writing it. This will also be a sort of Harry is a prodigy but not as much as in my other story Prodigal Delinquent. Harry will be a bit advanced though... but that's the point of the whole training-his-entire-life thing. Oh btw, NO PAIRINGS PLANNED as of yet. And just for the curious: this story is NOT BETA'D.

I'm sorry for the long delay but I was swamped in exams, projects, etc. I just transferred colleges so I am still adjusting. The only reason I am even posting this is because I live in the Philippines. You may have heard of how typhoon Ondoy has devastated my country and how many people lost their lives and homes. Many People basically lost every single thing they owned. So it is to them that I dedicate this.

Chapter 3 – Take a Ride on the Reading

Young Harvey could say that he lived an exciting life; in fact, he could say that nothing and no one would ever be able to startle him ever again after living with William Harvey Zonko. But Harvey felt a whole new level of excitement on this particularly special day, for this day was September First and marked his first day of becoming an official student of Magic (of course he had been an unofficial student for quite some time).

Harvey rose just as the sun started to brighten the sky. The leaves on various greenery on the Zonko grounds were still wet with dew as he happily started his day. Harvey could hardly keep in his excitement, jumping on his bed twenty-seven times and actually _starting_ a food fight with his Father at breakfast that morning (losing badly though, mind you.) Now he had taken to packing and re-packing his trunk for the fifth time that morning. His Father had somehow managed to sneak things that were not completely 'non-lethal' into his trunk. Harvey didn't particularly want to murder his roommates on the first day of class if they chanced upon his Fathers 'gifts'. After finally removing an asp egg he found hidden among his boxer shorts, he deemed his trunk 'safe'.

"Young Harvey!" his Father bellowed. "It is 11:41. We must get a move-on."

"WHAT?" Harvey shouted and quickly snatched his charmed trunk and practically flew to the well-lit main entrance hall. "We have to hurry! I missed my train! Oh Merlin. What will I do?"

Zonko opened the front doors casually and started walking past their front gardens as if he hadn't a care in the world, whistling a happy tune, a twinkle in his eye. "You can always just owl yourself to the school." He reminded his son.

Harvey shook his head solemnly. "A Zonko never does the same prank twice."

Zonko's smile widened. "I knew I raised you right."

Harvey sighed and started walking with his Father across their vast front garden, speeding up every once in a while and growling in frustration when his Father kept the same sedate pace.

"Father! We must hurry! You wouldn't want me missing the train now, do you?"

"You won't. Trust me." Zonko smiled and opened their front gates.

Harvey crossed the threshold of the Zonko Gates and he realized with a start that the outside world was completely dark, he could even see the sun rising across some mountains ways past their estate.

"Father?" Harvey continued to stare at the dark terrain.

"Yes, son?"

"What time is it, really?"

Zonko was holding back a humongous grin. "Four AM."

~......~

After Zonko had had his laugh ("Harvey, my boy! This was the last chance I had to pull a joke on you before school started! Why, ever, would I waste it?"), and young Harvey lost his last patience, the two quickly set about towards Kings Cross at the unbelievable hour of Four-thirty in the morning on September First.

Young Harvey could barely contain his growing excitement when they did finally reach the train station. Zonko merely shook his head as Harvey darted from place to place, looking into platforms, and disturbing other passengers, at the speed of a five-year old child that was given candy for the first time in his life. Harvey was, without a doubt, Zonko's son.

The station had just barely opened and only a few people were about, trying to catch early trains to their destinations. Zonko tapped his chin with what looked to be a bright yellow wand. Zonko finally spotted what he was looking for and called over to his son who was jumping from one platform to the other, careful not to fall on the tracks.

"Come now Harvey, it is time to enter the platform that will lead you ultimate boredom!"

The young Zonko heir quickly found his place back at his Fathers' side. The two were strolling along when they reached the platform. Zonko merely stared at the solid brick wall then tilted his head to the side. Harvey copied Zonko's example and tilted his head at the same angle as his Father.

"Father? What are we looking at?" he finally asked when the eighth person started to copy them then walked away when they didn't see what the Father-Son duo apparently did.

Zonko shrugged then set his head on straight. "I just wanted to see how many people would copy us."

Harvey just shook his head.

"Well then, go on. Run into the wall." Zonko smiled at his son.

Harvey could feel adrenaline running through his veins as he took another ten steps back from where his Father stood and ran at top speed towards the barrier. He was about to embark on a journey that would be so awesome that he would eventually tell his own heirs one day of this fantastic experience. Now all he had to do was run through the barrier and-

Zonko wiped a tear from his eye when he saw Harvey sprawled on the ground.

~......~

"'_I couldn't resist!'"_ Harvey mimicked his Father as he sat alone in his compartment. He crossed his arms and looked to the entrance of the platform where Zonko had basically just dropped him off, given him a bag of galleons for the school year, and left in a hurry (acting as if he had not taken his sweet time on the way to the station).

He finally found out why they were at the station so early. His Father had apparently made plans for another trip to Egypt after he dropped Harvey off at Kings Cross. A pyramid had been recently excavated and the opportunity to search for new 'bugs' to tinker with had driven the elder Zonko to rush to the site as soon as he could. Harvey was able to make him promise not to bring home another Sphinx, which had dampened the elder Zonko's spirit quite a bit ("What if they mated? Think of the cute sphinx-babies!" "...NO.")

This left young Harvey bored out of his mind sitting on his trunk in the middle of an empty platform. He had paged through his school books and continued editing his Fathers bi-monthly newsletter to the company. (Zonko had gotten an insane idea to cure Harvey's grammatical issues by hiring a Daily Prophet writer to teach the six-year old the English language the 'proper way'. Harvey was then locked into a room with one Rita Skeeter, and was instructed to write approximately four-hundred and sixty seven essays that were rejected the instant she thought he was being too 'boring' or 'factual'. "Life is always in need of spicing up.", was what she always used to rant to him. His Father had never written a company newsletter himself since then.)

The train had finally arrived at Nine in the morning and Harvey had taken the last compartment on the train. He was early enough to even assist the nice old lady fill her cart with her supply of candies. He was rewarded with an entire box of chocolate frogs (she told him it had been decades since a student arrived so early and helped her. She had been saving that candy for quite some time. She assured him they were still safely edible and hinted on the rare cards that the frogs probably contained.)

Harvey sighed and put the company newsletter draft three-eight-two down. He could see the other students start to pile into the train but no one had yet to knock on his compartment. A frightening thought suddenly crossed his mind. What if his peers would not accept him? He was not used to being around children his own age, seeing as his Father was more than enough for him to play with growing up. He hadn't thought of it before but what if he was some kind of social idiot?

His musings were interrupted when a knock chanced upon his compartment door. A boy with red hair and freckles peeked in.

"Mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full."

Harvey shook his head and smiled at the boy.

"So you a first year too, then?" the red-headed boy asked after pulling his trunk inside the compartment and sitting across Harvey.

"Yeah. Name's Harvey William Zonko. You can call me Harvey." Harvey smiled and extended his hand.

"Blimey, Zonko? As in Zonko's Joke Shop? It must be wicked to have all the prank stuff you could ever want. My brothers always use your products on me. But they were offered a sweet deal last year, they've been working on their own line of products since. I don't think I've been pranked this much in my life. Mum keeps telling them that I'm not a product tester. But she doesn't know that they pay me five sickles every time they prank me and another five every time I give them my opinion on the pranks. Oh, I'm Ronald Bilius Weasley by the way. Call me Ron." The boy shook Harvey's hand.

The two boys then began debating on Quidditch where Ron was loyally defending the Chuddley Cannons while Harvey defended Puddlemere United (he owned the team after all). As they began another heated discussion on which team had the better seeker, Gred and Forge Weasley entered the compartment.

"Oy, not even a 'hi' for you brother?" George asked Ron.

"Or a 'hey' for your business associate?" Fred asked Harvey.

Harvey just laughed as the twins sat down and all four started talking about the prank items the twins were working on. The twins were having trouble with what they were calling 'trick wands'. It was supposed to transform into an exact replica of the wand of the person being pranked with a simple insertion of a strand of hair into a small slot in the shaft, then after it was placed into the hands of the person being pranked, it would squawk then turn into a rubber chicken upon first use. So far, the trick wand was able to transform into a convincing replica but it lay useless instead of squawking like a chicken and only having the tip pouf out feathers.

Harvey was helping the twins with the charm work while Ron was fidgeting with his own wand. Harvey couldn't help but notice that it was a hand-me-down and he instantly felt pity for his new friend. That wand would make it all the more difficult for the young red-heads magic to stabilize since the core of the wand would not be in sync with the red-heads inner magical core.

"That reminds-" George started, looking up from a notebook full of doodles and notes that the three were busily working on for the past half-hour.

"us, Ronald!" Fred answered, not a step out of sync with his twin.

"Have you-"

"-tried the-"

"-charm we-"

"taught you?"

Harvey looked away from the twins notebook and smiled encouragingly at the younger Weasley. "Why don't you show us now?"

Ron reddened intensely at the sudden attention put on him. "Err... alright then."

He glared at his two brothers before pulling something out of his trunk, "This is my pet rat Scabbers." He told Harvey as an old rat was suddenly visible. It looked poor and sickly, patches of hair having been seemingly balding off.

Just as he started waving his wand, a knock on the door distracted all four of them. Harvey also couldn't help but notice how the twins were eager to watch their brother perform the charm, and was growing suspicious.

"Excuse me, gentlemen. But have you seen a toad? A boy named Neville's lost one." A young girl with bushy hair and already in the school uniform asked as she stared at each of them with a studious gaze.

"Sorry." One of the twins replied.

She sighed and started to close the door when she saw Ron's hand still hanging in the air as he was preparing to perform the charm.

"Are you going to do some magic? Let's see it then." She said as she invited herself in and sat herself at the only available seat, next to Ron.

"Err..." Ron's ears were a brilliant red now. He took a deep breath and said, "Sunshine, Daisies, Butter Mellow. Turn this stupid Fat Rat Yellow!"

A sickly gray light reluctantly left the tip of his wand and hit the Rat head on. Nothing seemed to happen and Scabbers lay on Ron's lap still snoring away.

"Is that a real spell? I've tried loads already and they all worked for me." The girl told him. "I'm Hermione Granger, by the way."

"Of course-"

"-it's a real-"

"-spell!" The twins said, scandalized.

"We custom made it ourselves!" they said together.

The girl, Hermione, saw that the two boys were upper years and chose to hold her tongue. She shook her head, told them it was a pleasure meeting them all, then left the compartment.

Harvey couldn't help but feel like she had just snubbed them.

"Well, she'll be a bother. Hope she doesn't get into Gryffindor." Ron said, ears still slightly red from embarrassment.

"I dunno." George said.

"Must have-"

"-been brave-"

"-enough to enter-"

"-a compartment full-"

"-of pranksters-"

"-and be a-"

"-right prick-"

"-about it." The twins had an evil glint in their eye.

"She'll probably end up in Ravenclaw. The way she says things matter-of-factly means she's confident enough in her knowledge to know the specifics by heart." Harvey observed.

No more was said about the young bossy girl and the four started in on the trick wands once again. They were so into their discussion that the twins barely batted an eyelash when they bought cauldron cakes for all four of them. The four didn't stop their discussion until the train started slowing down and they all quickly went about changing into their school robes.

Ron and Harvey said a goodbye to the twins and headed to the large man calling for all the first-years to approach him. All around him, Harvey could hear the whispers of the older years calling him 'that boy in the box!' or 'the owl-post kid', what's worse was that an elder Gryffindor boy took one look at him and stopped dead in his tracks, and got an evil glint in his eye.

Harvey quickly stepped into a boat with Ron, a slightly chubby boy that introduced himself as Neville, and another boy named Justin.

The three boys were all 'oohs' and 'aahhs', and Harvey couldn't help but feel jealous that he didn't get his own 'Look at that castle!' moment. He decided to amuse himself by grabbing a stick he had found in their boat and placing an illuminating spell on it, making it glow like a glowstick, and dropping it into the lake. It started to descend and he swore he saw a tentacle try to snatch it before it got too deep to see. So far, his new school wasn't as... exciting as he thought it would be.

Authors Note:

Actually, it goes on from here but the word count was at Five-thousand and my first two chapters had a word count together at around Five-thousand so I decided to cut it in Half. The next Chapter will come sooner than I thought I would be able to finish it but due to my willingness to Procrastinate, I went on for too long. Haha, Hope you liked this chapter and I just want to clarify that I do not like dislike Hermione. I just tried to keep them all as in-character as possible. Except for Harvey and Zonko, Adam too. Theyre basically my OCs. Haha Please R&R!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. that are recognizable are the property of their respective owners. I am not associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. Original characters and plot lines are Ethereal Euphoria's property. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: Zonkers

Summary: AU. Unknown to the rest of the Wizarding world, Harry is taken from the ruins of Godric's Hollow and is trained to become the man he needs to become. Who knew Monopoly could do all that?

Authors Note: This is really just an idea that came to me. It basically, just popped into my head and I couldn't seem to stop myself from writing it. This will also be a sort of Harry is a prodigy but not as much as in my other story Prodigal Delinquent. Harry will be a bit advanced though... but that's the point of the whole training-his-entire-life thing. Oh btw, NO PAIRINGS PLANNED as of yet. And just for the curious: this story is NOT BETA'D.

Chapter 4 – You have Won Second Prize in a Beauty Contest! Collect $11!

Harvey expected that by attending such a known and highly revered Education Institution of Magic, his first evening and consequent days at said educational institution to be exciting, mind-blowing, and completely exuberating. Unfortunately for him, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry didn't seem to be holding up its end of the bargain. The train ride had been interesting, he had become fast friends with Ronald Weasley and the Twins were worth mentioning as well. It was obvious that he had felt a connection to the twins due to their uncanny similarity with his Father with their love for pranks and unlimited creativity. But Harvey was hoping that more would happen, the train could be overrun by chocolate frogs and all the students would have to catch them with their mouths, like a game. While brainstorming rules for the chocolate frog catching game, Harvey was suddenly reminded that he was not at Zonko's Manor anymore and his Father was not a game master at Hogwarts. In fact, his Father would not even be at Hogwarts with him. For the first time in his young life, he was not playing some game that his Father, or he himself, had devised. This was the real world.

Young Harvey sighed as he approached an extremely large man calling out for the First Years. The man, Harvey guessed that he was at least a half-giant, introduced himself as Rubeus Hagrid the Keeper of the Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts. He monotonously followed the man towards some rather old looking boats, occupying one with Ron and two other boys. One boy confidently introduced himself as Justin Finch-Fletchley and the other stuttered out that his name was Neville Longbottom. Harvey instantly recognized the name from the Historical games his Father and he played. He wasn't completely sure if it was real, but in the game, a man and woman whose names were Longbottom went insane during the deatheater VS order members game. His Father liked using facts in their Historical games so Harvey wouldn't be surprised if it was real. He made a mental note to treat Neville like any of his classmates, or friends. Pity would not help the boy and if he were in Neville's position, he wouldn't appreciate any amount of pity either.

The boat ride took longer than he had anticipated; the lake was a lot larger than he remembered it being a year ago. When the boats finally docked on shore, Harvey and his three new friends, Ron, Neville and Justin, quickly joined the group of first years as they were led to the castle proper. Neville was lucky enough to find his missing toad, Trevor, as they were ushered in. Hagrid knocked on the large (even for him) doors and an elderly woman answered it.

"Go's the firs' years righ' here Professor McGonagall." He said proudly.

The elderly woman smiled at him, "Thank you Hagrid."

The group pushed their way inside and found that they were in a large hall with another set of tall doors in front of them.

"Welcome to Hogwarts." The elderly lady, Professor McGonagall, smiled at them all. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend most of your free time in your house common room."

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours."

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting. I shall return when we are ready for you. Please wait quietly."

She quickly disappeared behind the wooden doors and the first years broke off into noise.

"The twins told me we had to wrestle a troll to get sorted." Ron said as he started to pale.

Harvey's eyes sparkled at the prospect, (when he was ten and was suffering from a bought of laziness, his Father had gotten a young troll from the mountains near their home. Needless to say, it was from that incident that he promised his Father he would never 'lie-around and do nothing' ever again. Zonko didn't like laziness all that much. "Every moment is an opportunity to do something, anything. Bettering yourself, investing in a hobby...or running... for your life."), but he shook his head and thought logically. "They wouldn't send untrained eleven-year olds at Trolls, Ron. It's just not ethical, though not entirely impossible. I wonder how they _do_ sort us..."

"My Gran says that it doesn't hurt a bit but it's tradition to basically keep us clueless as to how we're sorted." Neville frowned.

"I don't know anything about sorting. I'm muggle-born I'm afraid." Justin said apologetically.

Harvey smiled at him, "You'll be a great help if I ever decide to take Muggle-Studies though."

Just then the entire group quieted down as they heard voices approaching.

"I say we give him another chance." A large, round, transparent man told his companions.

"I've had enough of that Poltergeist to last me another afterlife-time!" another transparent person retorted to the man.

A few girls screamed and Harvey noticed Neville pale considerably.

"Well, isn't it that boy that was sent by owl to Hogwarts last year!" a regal ghost approached Harvey. "Do you remember me? We met when you were given a tour last year!"

"Of course! Sir Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington, am I correct?" Harvey smiled and bowed appropriately.

"Yes, still as chivalrous as ever. I'd be glad to have you as one of mine. Now remember to think 'Gryffindor' when you put on the-"

"Sir Nicholas!" the first ghost interrupted. "Tradition!"

Sir Nicholas quickly caught himself. "Right you are my dear Friar." He turned once again to Harvey and said, "Well, we shall see soon enough anyway. Good evening young Zonko. I hope we see each other soon."

After a bow to Harvey, Sir Nicholas left with the other ghosts and once again the First Years were left to their own devices.

'You were owled to Hogwarts last year?' and 'That was you?'s instantly overtook Harvey and he sighed. He was saved from answering his classmates' questions, however, when Professor McGonagall reappeared.

"It's time."

~......~

The First Years entered the Great Hall with a tremble in their knees and a hopeful look on their faces. Harvey spotted the twins salute him as he passed them, he couldn't help but give them a big grin and a small salute back. The First Years all stopped at the front of the Hall, right in front of the Head table, and Professor McGonagall set down a stool and what looked like an old, ratty hat in front of the group.

Harvey stared at the hat in wonder, it looked extremely old, almost antique, and its seams were coming loose. But Harvey could just about see a face amidst all the folding and the wrinkling of the fabric. He tilted his head to the side and tried to picture it. The face came into full view of him when the hats brim burst open and began to sing.

"_I may be old and ratty_

_But my choices still hold true_

_I may be mad and hatty_

_But where you go, I'm sure!_

_To Gryffindor to those_

_That lack in cowardice,_

_Ravenclaw, on you go_

_Whose intellect would suffice,_

_Slytherin is home to those_

_Who are clear in their ambitions,_

_And to Hufflepuff heads those_

_With Fair Admonitions._

_So do not fear,_

_And do not tear,_

_I'll see for who you're made._

_Just step on up,_

_And slip me on,_

_The Sorting is running late!"_

The Hall erupted into applause and Harvey found himself applauding right with the other students. He enjoyed the hats ditty and hoped it would sing another. Ron, however, was glaring at his twin brothers. ("I'll show them a troll!")

"Abbot, Hannah!"

Harvey cringed when he suddenly realized how long he would have to wait to be sorted. 'Zonko' wasn't exactly at the top of the alphabetical list. He sighed and started to look around at his fellow First Years.

Ron was standing next to him and was as pale as a ghost. The name Weasley wasn't at the top of the list either, but Harvey understood that Ron was expected to be sorted into Gryffindor, just as his brothers had, and anywhere else would feel devastating for Ron. He was just lucky that his Father would probably not care which house he got into. Neville was also standing next to him, clutching Trevor in his pocket and eyes darting back and forth. He didn't know Neville all that well so he couldn't really ask the young boy why he was so... twitchy. His other classmates seemed to be all twitchy in fact, and he couldn't help but think that Fred or George should come up with a twitching powder, if they hadn't already. His musings were disrupted though when another twitching occurred out of the corner of his eye. He looked at the Professor who owned the turban which seemed to be moving... Only slightly however, in such a way that one would not notice unless it was being carefully watched. The man looked very nervous indeed. Harvey felt a headache coming on and quickly looked away. His Father had always told him that when something felt amiss in his mind, always distract or think 'happy thoughts'. So another round of inquiries about twitching powder in his mind sent the headache away.

The number of first years started to thin out and Harvey was glad that his friend Justin went into Hufflepuff and was able to sit down. His own legs were starting to ache. The bossy girl on the train was sorted into Gryffindor and Harvey heard Ron groan. Neville, too, went into Gryffindor and the young forgetful boy almost tripped on his way to the applauding table. Ron was going to be called soon and that left Harvey alone with a dark skinned boy whose name turned out to be Zabini. He wanted to chat with the silent boy but as soon as he opened his mouth, McGonagall called Zabini's name and he was left alone to stand in front of the Heads table, waiting his turn.

"Zonko, Harvey William!" Professor McGonagall finally called.

Harvey quickly went up to the hat and put it over his head.

'Hello?' he thought experimentally.

'Very interesting mind here, Mr. Zonko.' A voice replied, it sounded just like the voice that sang the Sorting Song.

'Um, thank you?'

'Very loyal, not a bad mind either. Oh, and a thirst to prove yourself! Yes, you're Father raised you well. And speaking of your Father, oh my! I know where you belong.'

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The Weasley Twins stood and were stomping their feet, Harvey approached the applauding table and sat between Ron and Neville who were both confident that he would be made a Gryffindor and had saved him a seat. He was embarrassed, however, when one fifth year boy (the one that got an evil glint in his eye upon seeing Harvey on the platform) burst into tears when he had sat down. Fred and George assured him that it was 'normal behaviour' and that the boy's name was Oliver Wood.

"If we go-"

"-by what he's-"

"-been practically praying-"

"-for, even writing-"

"-Father Christmas for-"

"-since your-"

"-last visit,-"

"-you'll personally-"

"-meet him soon." The twins smiled at him.

"Before we all tuck in, just a few words." An elderly man, Harvey recognized him as Professor Dumbledore the school Headmaster, stood. "Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak."

Harvey had to fake a cough to cover the beginning of his hysterical laughter. Those words were Mermish (not pronounced properly, however. The Headmaster used the English pronunciation of its written form) for, "Let our stomachs fill with food and our toilets fill with poo." Which was a Mermish saying for "Out with the old, in with the new!" using the depiction of food digestion.

The table instantly filled with all kinds of foods and Harvey had to caution Ron to slow down more than once. The feast was a joyous affair with the returning students sharing their summer vacation stories and the first year students introducing themselves and telling funny anecdotes on how they received their letters. More than a few elder students would ask Harvey the whole story on why and how he was owled there the year before but Harvey denied telling them how he did it. "A Zonko never shares his methods... unless it is for a business endeavour that would ultimately lead to a more profitable outcome."

Pretty soon, the plates were cleared and Harvey found that his classmates looked tired. He personally felt like he could still go on for a few hours. The day wasn't as physically strenuous as he thought it would be. Maybe his Father had a point in waking him earlier to get him tired earlier as well. After all, at the Zonko Manor there wasn't really a 'bed-time'. They based their daily schedules on 'Start Game' and 'Game Over'.

"Now that we are all fed and watered, Mr. Filch, our resident caretaker, would like to remind you all that magic is strictly forbidden in the corridors and that items from Zonko's Joke Shop are banned from our Institution, no offense meant to Mr. Zonko, I'm sure. To see the full list of the banned items, the list is tacked to Mr. Filchs door. As always, I would like to inform our first years and remind our elder years that the Forbidden Forest is just that, Forbidden." Professor Dumbledore looked right at Fred and George as he said this. "And lastly, the third floor corridor is forbidden for fear of dying a very painful death. Now let us sing the school song! Choose your favourite tune and sing along!"

The school erupted into chorus as everyone went off in different versions of the School Anthem. The Weasley Twins ended last, singing to the death March. Harvey chose the classical music piece for rushing things himself. He called the song the 'race horse' song.

Yawning, the Gryffindor Prefects led the students to the Gryffindor Tower. While his classmates were busy drooping off to sleep while walking, Harvey was looking around and spotting markers for when he wanted to find his way around The castle. The day was turning out to be better than he had first thought after reaching Hogwarts. He liked his new house and his housemates, Ron and Neville were already starting to become two of his first and best friends (Harvey considered the Twins as technically business associates but also called them friends.). The castle itself was like a living thing that he could get to know and explore. He couldn't wait to go around and discover more about the castle. Out of the corner of his eye, in the middle of a dim corridor, he saw something that made his blood run cold: a baby Sphinx's tail.

He knew what that meant. It was either his Father had sent him a present... or that the elder Zonko was here at Hogwarts. He quickly and discreetly parted himself from the group (using the excuse of needing the loo, the prefect gave him instructions on how to find the nearest one and how to get to Gryffindor tower.) and followed the young Sphinx cub into a dark corridor. The sphinx cub didn't seem to mind him as it playfully jumped around, scaring portraits, and growling at some statues. It finally stopped and entered a door that was left ajar for some reason. Harvey was quick to follow but as soon as he entered the room, he was on his back and a hit to his head guaranteed that he would not be allowed to sleep that night in fear of a concussion.

~......~

"You came all this way to make me read... a childrens book?" Harvey asked his Father.

Zonko nodded and placed the book on the Professors desk in front of Harvey. Harvey sat down on a comfortable rotating chair his Father had transfigured for him; the baby sphinx jumped on his lap and purred, seemingly about to fall asleep. (Of course, since Baby Sphinx's were generally the size of extremely large cats, its hind legs were drooping to the floor and its wings and hair were already all over Harvey's torso.)

Harvey sighed and started to flip the pages of the book, Zonko was circling the entire room, tutting his disapproval at random desks and chairs. When Harvey finished, Zonko was at his side once more, a large smile on his face.

"So what you're saying is... This 'Harry Potter' character defeated Voldemort?" Harvey stared disbelievingly at his Father.

Zonko nodded, holding up a 'The Adventures of Harry Potter' Book, for ages 5 and up. It was, of course, written by Rita Skeeter and was one of her first literary hits.

"I know Voldemort existed, we played Aurors and Deatheaters when I was five. You were Dumbledore and I was Voldemort. But how do they know that Harry Potter destroyed Voldemort for certain?" Harvey said; taking the book and flipping it back to the first few pages where there was a moving picture of a baby who shot red lasers out of his eyes, and lifted his crib over his head as he laughed at a black cloak on the floor.

Zonko looked at his son, smiling. "What, ever, do you mean?"

Harvey flipped the page to one with a picture of the baby a bit more grown up, age five maybe, holding a long broadsword and riding a majestic white horse. The child had dark jet black hair and emerald green eyes, but the most striking feature was the lightning shaped scar on the childs forehead. "Did they check the facts? Did an investigator come and survey the house after the incident? Were the friends and family interviewed? Was the secret-keeper given truth serum? Who in Merlin's name decided that a one year old infant killed a fully-grown trained mass-murdering wizard? It all sounds awfully suspicious to me."

Zonko walked behind his son, rubbed his hands together, lovingly spat in Harveys hair and started styling it. "No one really knows what happened. This is just what the public wants to believe. You are holding the third edition of the book. There are four editions all in all. I believe one comes out every year to add to the young boy's chronicles."

"But Father, this is merely a childrens book: Fantasy. You can't possibly tell me that wizards and witches believe this to be fact. He may very well not even look like this. Who told them about the scar? According to the book, he got it from Voldemort. But seeing as no one has gotten a glimpse of him since he supposedly vanquished the guy, how do they know about the scar?"

"Yes well, even if this piece of literature was found in the fiction section of the library, society treats it as factual as a non-fiction autobiography." Zonko was now mussing Harvey's hair up into a Mohawk, but then shook his head and flattened it down. He finally decided to just muss it up as it usual was but took great pains to adjust every single clump. "I don't know how they know about the scar. I guess someone... tipped them about."

"But why Father? Why do they accept this nonsense? And what ever happened to Harry Potter?" Harvey felt sad for the boy who lost his entire family because of a criminal the Ministry could not capture.

"People find it easier to accept that some child defeated their greatest fear, than the idea that their greatest fear is still out there. Some say Harry Potter's hidden somewhere, doing all those heroic acts in that book like they were walks in the park." Zonko said, deciding between a pair of garden shears or a particularly sharp looking scythe. "Some say he's dead."

Harvey quickly turned in his chair and looked directly at his Father, "But what really happened? There has to be some kind of legal document or factual basis on where he is now."

Zonko sighed then turned Harvey back around so that Zonko was facing the back of Harvey's head. "The night your headmaster was to take him, he sent the gamekeeper Rubeus Hagrid. Unfortunately, the child was gone. A few days later, Sirius Black, the man who was arrested for the betrayal and eventual death of the Potters, was captured and declared too insane to trust any answer he gave even under truth serum. The headmaster believes that he took Harry Potter and that the Potter heir is dead."

"You're telling me the accounts according to the Ministry and my new Educational Institution. Not the Truth. You forget; I know you enough to know that you are hiding something from me." Harvey accused his Father.

"So what do you think of the Boy?" Zonko said, ignoring Harvey and absent-mindedly cutting off all of Harvey's bangs.

Harvey sighed at his Father's stubbornness and answered Zonkos question anyway. "I think that he will have a lot of expectations that are unfair and unrealistic laid on his shoulders the minute he arrives at Kings Cross."

"Oh, Good. You understand then!" Zonko smiled as he took a mirror and held it to Harvey's face.

Harvey stared at his reflection in disbelief. The boy looking back looked familiar, as if he had seen the boy before but not frequently... Black hair... check. Green eyes... check. Scar... not a single sign of i-...wait...

"I'M HARRY POTTER?"

Authors Note:

So Harry Finally knows! Tune in next time to find first day class, and an overly excited Oliver Wood! Please R&R!

Btw, Zonko told Rita Skeeter about the scar. Here's a short story about the encounter.

OMAKE

"_So all I have to do is teach the brat- I mean, you're wonderful son, how to write wonderful essays and stay grammatically correct and you would make sure that the pesticides used in my new neighbours house will not kill m- my pet insects?" Rita asked, sipping tea on the balcony overlooking the Zonko gardens._

_Zonko smiled and nodded. "Not a problem. Adam will listen to me. I am his employer after all. I first thought to hire you after reading an interesting book you wrote: The Harry Potter Adventures? I found it witty and interesting."_

_Rita got a twinkle in her eye. She loved discussing her work with fans. "Ah, yes. That little book. It garnered numerous awards. And between you and I, I'm thinking of writing a sequel! A year has gone by and more adventures has to have been had!"_

"_Yes! Why not make yearly editions? That will ensure you a steady income. But about your book, I wonder what made you think Harry Potter had red hair and hazel eyes."_

_Rita looked scandalized by being questioned about some of her 'facts'. "His mother was a documented red-head and his Father's hazel eyes are a Potter family trait. I heard from very reliable sources that-"_

"_Ms. Skeeter! I am not questioning you're methods. Just merely stating that isn't jet black hair a Potter family trait as well? And some Potters have been reported with other eye colors before. But the Mothers green eyes were very prominent. According to pictures anyway and descriptions from word of mouth." Zonko smiled when he spotted Rita's regular quill, and not her quick-quotes quill, start to move at a rapid pace._

"_I see... any other, ahem, descriptions of the boy that you may have heard of?" she said, trying to feign interest._

"_Some say that he may have been marked somehow. Since the killing curse kills without a trace, maybe surviving it could somehow leave a mark... seeing as how its sudden death, quick as LIGHTNING, and how Voldemort," Rita flinched, "likes to look right into the eyes of his victim before murdering them, maybe the wand was pointed at the forehead... of course, this is all speculation."_

_Rita was out the door a few moments later, mumbling about retractions and editing._

_Zonko looked down towards the Zonko Garden where young Harvey was busy trying to do the first chore ever assigned to him: bathing the pet Sphinx. A growl later, a completely soaped and soaked Harvey appeared beside him on the balcony, huffing and puffing after such a hurried sprint. He had barely escaped the enraged Sphinx, but daily games and exercise had equipped Harvey with sturdy legs and a lightning pace._

_Zonko approached him and wiped the soap away from his sons face. A light but definitive scar apparent on his sons forehead after Zonko moved away the boys bangs._

"_Yes, lightning indeed." He smiled._

Btw, Zonko took great measure to make sure Harvey never noticed his scar. It was the first game they ever played, Zonko put a compulsion spell on Harvey not to notice the scar and made it so that it would only last till he got to Hogwarts, therefore Zonko finally revealed the truth. This of course, will be explained to Harvey by Zonko at a later date.

Hope you liked the chapter!


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